Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
