I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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