Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
