dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
