She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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