i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
