I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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