I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
