I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
