I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
