i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
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we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
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Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So much rum. So many feels.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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