if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
