Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
