We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
