if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
