I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
