Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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