Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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