someone threw a dead crab at me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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