You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
