There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
