That's intense
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
