i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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