I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
