the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
