Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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