I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
