the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
