I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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