i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We are two peas in an std pod
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
