I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
