in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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