i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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