Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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