do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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