He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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