tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
