1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
