I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
