I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
