he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So here I am, sexting at work.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
