Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
