I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
