I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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