Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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