Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
