Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
