Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
