i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
