Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
