New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You're like the curious george of whores
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
