You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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