M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
