Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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