someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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