clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My vagina is officially offended.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
