Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
