He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
