Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
