If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
