You're my little dorito
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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