I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
