Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
