She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
