You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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