i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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