How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
