clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
