I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
